They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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