Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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