I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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