Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
