She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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