She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
