the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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