dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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