Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
