Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
