I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
