I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
