I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
