YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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