Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dick very happy bro
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
