I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
