and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
