it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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