it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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