update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
