She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
