come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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