The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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