Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Boobs speak an international language.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
