it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
