we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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