I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
