Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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