It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
