I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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