Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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