I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
