It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
