i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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