You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
