Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize