I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
