I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
