You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
