Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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