Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
