i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
