3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
