First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
