The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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