Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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