Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
