And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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