I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
