haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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