Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
