I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
