Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
foreskin is a definite game changer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
