I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
