***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
