the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
