Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
