I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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