I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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