i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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