I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
