I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
