Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
