fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
