Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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