i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
