Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
