its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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