his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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