I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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