You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
