I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
