true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
FUCK WHALES
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
