i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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